Yes...I am getting that specific on how far along I am because I'm getting desperate! This pregnancy seems to have lasted eons. Now, I know a lot has happened in the course of this pregnancy which is probably why it seems to have taken so long. But the thing that has made it seem the longest is the fact that I started having steady contractions at 34 weeks! That was THREE WEEKS AGO!! I'm still waiting...but not patiently. When I started getting contractions 3 weeks ago I became mentally ready for Vera to get here. I had made peace with the fact that she might be a preemie; Brian even went looking for preemie clothes. Everyday was full of logging my contractions, just waiting for the 'ball to drop'. It still hasn't come. But SHE'S dropped! I always thought it was weird when people talked about their belly sitting in their lap because in my previous two pregnancies, that had never happened. Well, now I know what they are talking about. If I want to reach something across a counter I have to lift up the baby to set on the counter to reach...yep, it's that ridiculous.
I'm very glad that she wasn't born a preemie...but now that I've reached "full-term" status...I'm ready for her to be out!! Beyond ready, really. I'm in pain, severely uncomfortable, can't sleep...need I go on? I also still have acid reflux...I could go on with my ailments but I think you can see how cranky I am. Yeah, I know: Poor Brian.
All I can think about is not being pregnant anymore. If I had my friends out here, I know without a shadow of a doubt they would distract me enough where this wouldn't be an issue...but that's not how life is right now. So, to try and distract myself, I've been crocheting hats. I've made 8 hats in 4 days. It's not really helping; but if you want a hat, just let me know!I'm sorry this post is such a downer...I've been in better places mentally. Yes, I know that I have less than two weeks to go. However, two weeks seems like eternity right now. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready.
One of my biggest problems is not being able to be satisfied in the moment. This will surprise no one who truly knows me. I constantly have to have something major going on to feel satisfied. New job, client, career, school, kid, house, craft, etc. You name it, I need it. I don't do well in 'limbo' or in a waiting period, or just living the day-to-day. So, knowing that she will be here in two weeks or less is pure torture. I'd rather her be here so we can start moving forward as a family of 5 as opposed to a family of 3 + 1 very needy pregnant woman. This is something that I have been praying about: being happy in the moment. I find times where I feel truly blessed in the moment...but they don't happen as often as I would like. Someday soon I hope to stop looking toward the future and focus on the present...but that might be a bigger feat than I am expecting :).
Another thing that I've tried to do to keep myself busy is walk around. I took the kids to the park the other day...they seemed to have fun for a little bit, but it did break my heart. Sometimes I just get so frustrated out here. It is devastating to watch your three year old - who is so excited to make friends - strike out on the playground while her two year old brother chases her around like a puppy. We all do badly need friends out here. No matter what playground we go to, if she sees someone new, she is ecstatic...and then really in their face (yep, I know, just like her mom). She's fine, it doesn't seem to hurt her self esteem and she always has her dutiful brother there as back up.
Isn't he ADORABLE?! I haven't put the final touches on Myah's hats yet, but she will be modeling them soon!
Thjs weekend we plan on watching the Jayhawks embarrass Mizzou tomorrow and then have a great picnic on the beach Sunday. I am still praying to give birth this weekend, but with this pregnancy, I have no idea. I would like to mention that I have now been pregnant longer with Vera than I was with Elijah...sigh.
ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK, GO KU!!
hey...I was pregnant 40+ weeks but never as a stay at home mom. I cant imagine (that was one of many reasons we choose to adopt). Have you planned an induction date? I would do that so you know she will be here on or before that date. Take the kids to some sort of enclosed play area where you can just sit.
ReplyDeleteAs for the difficulties of this transistion, just know its not always going to be this hard. As soon as Myha is in school she will have lots of friends and you will have more freedoms.
Wish there was something I could do. Take care.