Journey to the center of the cookie

It's been quite a whirlwind around here lately.  We've had our ups and downs but we are still standing and smiling!  Vera turned 2 months today and life feels like it's finally manageable.  Today I sat down and filled out a calendar with activities I can do with the kiddos for the next month.  I'm really excited not only to keep the kids busy, but to be prepared (partially) for the days to come!

One thing I am still struggling with is my weight.  I lost 31 pounds in the first 2 weeks after having Vera and I was so excited to get my pre-baby body back (and by pre-baby I mean, pre-Myah-baby!). I started logging all of my foods that I ate, and hoped to drop 52 pounds by the time Christmas comes around and I go to see my family.  It's not going so smoothly.

I was so incredibly blessed to be thin all through highschool and college (which, looking back, I am so mad at myself for thinking I was overweight then...if I only knew!).  I never watched what I ate, never said 'no' to seconds, and my love of food was never an issue.  After gaining 70 pounds during my pregnancy with Myah I guess I just expected my body to just 'go back'.  I thought, I might have to walk a little to lose a couple of pounds, but I honestly believed that it would be easy.  I cannot believe how wrong I was!  After having Myah, I had a really hard time changing my eating habits and the pounds weren't coming off quickly (like some of my friends).  I had lost about 35 of my 70 extra pounds when I broke my ankle.  It was only 4 months after I had Myah and since I was not breastfeeding, being mobile was a big part of my weight loss strategy.  Needless to say, I stopped losing weight and plateaued.

THEN I GOT PREGNANT AGAIN!  Yes, not the best plan since I was laid up with a broken ankle, but sometimes God has plans we aren't always privy to.  I was 35-40 lbs over what I was when I had Myah and I am not one of those people who lose weight in the first trimester.  I tried to watch what I ate during the second pregnancy and only gained 35 lbs; which put me back to the weight post-Myah.  Because I broke my ankle and had torn my ligament, my ankle held me back physically.  I can't walk faster than my toddlers, which makes breaking a sweat a challenge.  So, Brian and I decided to try the 30 Biggest Loser Challenge...and it was awesome!  I lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks and Brian lost 15.  Unfortunately, eating healthy and following this specific diet was extremely costly...our grocery budget tripled and we didn't have the funds for that.  So, we went back to the norm, and gained the weight back.

Now, post-Vera I am 10 lbs above where I was when I got pregnant with her, but 52 lbs above what I WANT to be...and that is a daunting number.  Being a person who typically gives up/in when faced with something that requires effort and is hard, I'm scared I won't reach my goal.  I am a mastermind when it comes to excuses and frankly, I'm also really great at convincing myself they are good enough reasons to quit.

I've done a few things to keep myself motivated this time around:
--Brian bought me an elliptical to keep in the house as a daily reminder to work out - This works about 75% of the time...I typically work out 3 days, take a day off, repeat.  And by work out, I mean 10 minutes - 130 cal burned...not impressive.
--I joined a program that set up a daily calorie intake to help me lose weight
--I am breastfeeding
--I keep track of what I am eating (calorie wise) - still a struggle to write everything down (especially when I cheat and snack all day)
--I told my parents I was doing it and put it on facebook as motivation

These things aren't enough because I've been doing it for 3 weeks now, and I'm still at the same weight.  Yes, I haven't gained weight, but I haven't lost any either.  My excuses and weaknesses are holding me back.

So, I bought a book (for kindle) called Made to Crave.  It's a bible study about craving God and allowing him to control your life instead of food.  NOTHING sounds more appealing to me than that.  I am more than willing to do this journey alone, but I thought that if anyone wanted to join me, it would be THAT much more motivation for me.

This is what I am proposing:

I would like to do an online bible study.  Whoever wants to participate can buy the book (in any form they want; hardcopy, ecopy, etc).  I will put my answers, thoughts, and personal questions on a different website that I will create just for this purpose.  I would love it if others would do the same!  We can encourage each other, answer each other's questions, and get closer through fellowship.  I promise to be fully open and honest during the process -- please be willing to do the same :).  If you would like to join me in this journey, here is the link to the book:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=made+to+crave

Also, leave me a short message at the end of this post letting me know you are in!  I will make a new page this week and make my first post Monday.  This will be at your own leisure.  I plan on following the study and doing a post when required (not sure if it's daily/weekly/etc).  Please post when you have time.  Instead of having to have a deadline of getting it done, I thought this might be more conducive to lots of people participating so you can do it on your own time, as opposed to a specific time/place.

If you aren't comfortable bearing your soul on the internet, email me :)  I totally understand.  OR, just follow along :)

Thank you, in advance, for your love and support in this journey.  I am praying that God will give me the strength to not only be true to myself, but to grow closer to Him through this journey.

Have a fantastic day, and I hope to hear from you soon!
Jen