March 1, 38 weeks.

This is no joke.  She's falling out.

As most of you know, I spent the morning in Labor and Delivery yesterday.  Now I'm back home, still pregnant.

Here's the whole story:

Monday I went to the doctor for a check-up...still completely closed.  I thought I might be leaking fluid so she did an ultrasound...tons of fluid so no worries there.  However, I have my first infection...this just keeps getting better ;)!

Tuesday I was feeling pretty good so I spent the day cleaning.  Brian invited a fraternity brother, Ryan, over for dinner (we had lasagna) so I had A LOT of cleaning to do!  Having a house full of marble and laminate flooring takes a lot of maintenance.  I am WAY too big to be getting on my hands and knees to scrub the floor so it hasn't been getting done.  So I went to the store and bought a mop and cleaning solution and spent the entire afternoon vacuuming the floors and mopping them.  We had a great time with Ryan, always great to talk to other adults!  My back was killing me so I took some pain meds at 8pm and enjoyed company.  Starting around 9pm I started having strong contractions...the meds weren't helping.  These continued every 6 minutes...for hours!  I decided to finally call L&D after 6.5 hours of constant contractions.  I have steady contractions pretty regularly for 3-4 hours, so I wanted to make sure this wasn't the same deal.  I couldn't sleep through the contractions so I was up all night; just waiting to see if they would stop.  L&D told me to come in...it was finally time!  I had followed all of the doctor's instructions to make sure it was labor and not just contractions: I took pain and sleeping meds, drank lots of water, waited to make sure they were steady...all of it.  My doctor told me that if all of these things were happening and the contractions were still steady, it was baby time!  I repacked my 'go-bag', got the kids ready and packed up the car. When we get to L&D I got hooked up to the monitor and contractions were showing up every 4-6 minutes for 1-2 minutes at a time.  Validation that I wasn't making things up!  Then the doctor comes in and checks me...1 cm!  For most people, this is nothing.  However, I have had contractions for 4 weeks and still been completely closed so this 1 cm was like a miracle!  It was time!  Then she dropped the bomb...unless I was 3-4cm, she was sending me home.  I had two hours.  WHAT?!!!!  This is exactly opposite of what my OB had been telling me!  I was 37 weeks, 6 days, I'm considered 'full-term'; still not good enough.  After 2.5 hours, I hadn't changed any, so she sent me home.  

Which sent me over the edge.

I don't remember the last time I cried that hard.  It's not that I'm upset that I'm still pregnant, or that I'm in pain all the time, or that I'm exhausted, or that I've been having contractions for 4 weeks straight, or even that I'm super impatient and want to meet her.  It's that I've followed EVERYTHING my doctor has told me and it's still not good enough.  I'm so incredibly frustrated because I have no idea what to do.  The problem with the California system is that when I go into labor, I don't contact MY personal doctor, I call the system and some random doctor who doesn't know me or my history make the decision of what should happen.  So, even though my doctor told me when I need to call in, it doesn't matter.  So incredibly frustrating.  I don't have a shadow of a doubt that if I was still in KS, I would have had surgery yesterday.  I would put my life on it, because I had a doctor who knows me, my history, and I have a personal relationship with.

I got a little snippy with the doctor (don't worry, I profusely apologized after I calmed down...it's not her fault this sucks).  I told her I didn't understand what I was supposed to do.  I can't check my own cervix at home, so how am I supposed to decipher what is going on?  I obviously had contractions and as soon as they took me off fluids they would speed up again...what do I do then?  Her answer?  Call and come back in.  I can't keep dragging my family into L&D.  I've had two prior sections so I am constantly told by doctors that they DON'T want me to go into labor because it puts too much stress on my uterine scars, so if I have steady contractions, to come in, because it's time.  Then I get there and I'm told that because I'm not 'laboring' (dilating; which is pointless since I'm being cut open anyway) they can't do the surgery.  The doctor kept saying "studies show that before 39 weeks they can't deliver unless there is a problem".  Ok, fine.  I get it...HOWEVER!  I have TWO BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY, HAPPY children that were BOTH born before 39 weeks.  So, to me and MY experiences, this is a bull-crap excuse.

So, I am not supposed to labor, but if I don't labor, they won't deliver.  If you can figure out this riddle for me, I would be very appreciative.

After being sent home, taking two percocets and a benadryl, I pretty much slept the day away.  Again, thank God for Brian.  He is so understanding.  I keep apologizing because I don't want him to think that I'm just 'crying wolf'.  Luckily, he's been there when the doctors tell me when I'm supposed to call in, and he knows that I'M not the one who is being confusing.  Grrrrrrrrrr.

I'm still having contractions today and they are getting more painful.  I refuse to go to the hospital at this point.  If my water doesn't break and explode all over the place...I'm waiting until next Thursday when my c-section is scheduled.

I can't wait until my parents get here...